I am no where close to a feminist. Probably would lay i the egalitarian field of thought. But when it comes to a long term commited relationship my thoughts change a little. To more of a traditional view point… Though that is where most of my values arise from (equality for all, and in all relationships), deep down inside there are roles that I just expect to fill because I’m a woman, and rolls I expect Jon to fulfill cause he is a man. That has changed. That’s where we were surprised at ourselves. We wanted to have the traditional roles where Jon would go to work and make all the money and I would stay home and raise the children. Our original thoughts – was the man in our relationship, Jon, who we originally planned would be our “breadwinner” would work and I would stay home. I can say it a million different ways – but we found out soon enough that being in the non profit world you have to either have had to have a high paying job before you came to the non profit world, or have no children or own not a whole lot (that still has to be paid for)… Or you have to be a killer budgeter and saver and need nothing. Thought we wished we could be the last of that list – we weren’t at that point. We were still in survival mode. Survival mode is different with 2 brand new kids. We came out of unemployment (10 months – from being in another non profit job), from having 2 children (2 brand new expensive children), owning a small percentage of our house, owning a car (outright), and no savings. None. We had cleaned out the savings in order to live for the 10 months we were jobless.
So here we are. March 2012. International Women’s Day (has just passed). The day we celebrate women. The day we celebrate the women in our lives, the women who have sacraficed for us to be where we are at, who we are, etc. But I couldn’t help to keep thinking of the person I needed to celebrate the most – Jon. That’s how I celebrated. Being thankful for my husband. Who went against his traditional roles, and to allow me to go against my traditional roles, for the flexibility it took on both of our parts to go against the roles we had set out. We both care for the children equally, we both cook and clean equally, we work (almost) equally. I have 2 part time jobs, and jon has one full time job with contracts…. Anyways, we both work. Jon is in charge of taking care of the cars and anything outside of the house, i am in charge of all the finances and everything inside the house. Fairly equal. Jon’s in charge of fixing things, I’m in charge of getting things. We both grocery shop. We both drop off and pick up the kids.
We have a very equal relationship. And I’m so glad I have a husband who is my equal. Who sees me as his equal, who sacrafices a lot to be my equal, who steps up to be my equal… To do whatever it takes for our relationship to work, the give and the pull, the stepping up when necessary and of course giving up when it’s been necessary. In the day I celebrate the women in my life, I also celebrate my husband. Jon, I love you.