But I am a Natural Parent

Using inclusive and positive adoptive language has been something has become really important to me, and has been an area that I have chosen to be more outspoken about.  I give people the opportunity to learn when they have said something I find offensive or hurtful.  I let people know when they say something that may be hurtful or offensive to someone else.  Well, hey, I’m writing this post because I needed people to read it!

I have way more opinions that I express through writing this blog than I generally ever speak out loud, because I am way more gutsy in type than I am in word.  But positive adoption language is one of those areas I don’t keep quiet about.  This is an area where things aren’t really an opinion more than right and wrong.

The first three are the big dos and donts when it comes to positive adoption language….  And some of the other ones are big ones that are obviously important that people need to change in vocabulary.

Positive Adoption Language

Biological vs Natural

  • This is something that has bothered me even when referring to parenthood without talking about adoption.  You never know what kind of interventions people had to use to have biological children.  So many families are created through medical or “unnatural” procedures but still create a biological child.  It’s unfair to all of those who didn’t (for whatever reason) create a family in the Mom+Dad=Child “Natural” formula. This not only affects so many families created through adoption, but the many who are created assisted through different kinds of fertility treatments, surrogacy, insemination, etc.  If you are talking about a biological genetic connection between humans.  Name it so.  The word natural doesn’t just have to do with genetics.
  • Birthing a child does not give you the right to be titled as a natural parent. Natural has multiple definitions folks. Once again, if you are referring to genetics, referring to the biological connection is much more clear.
  • Being an adoptive parent, I am did not physically give birth to my children, but I’m a very natural mother.  My skill as a parent came naturally to me.  I had children in a very natural way to me… What was my first choice in having children… No one can tell me that my choice isn’t my natural just because it’s not biological. *My children are my natural children, but no, they are not my biological children.

“Own”

  • First of all, my children are my own.  Doesn’t matter if I birthed them or adopted them they are still equally (and legally) my own.
  • Drives me crazy when people have biological children and adopted children and refer to their children seperately:  “nice to meet you, these are kids of my own, and this is my adopted one”.  It makes my blood boil.  Some adoptive families do not use positive adoption language.  Not everyone is as forward thinking as Ontario and not all have to take as much training and go through such a lengthy process as we do to be able to adopt.  Not anyone cause just get a kid here folks.  Just saying.  Do you ever hear people saying “nice to meet you, this is my daughter who we conceived with donor sperm cause my husband is shooting blanks”  or “you have a lovely home, I was on clomid for 17 months before I got pregnant with my twins.”
  • Don’t ask me if I didn’t want/try to have my own.  This is how I tried to have my own.  It was a hard wait for these kids.  My labour pains were different, my delivery was different, my post partum has been different… But these are my own.  If you want to know if I tried to have biological children, ask that question.  That’s a different question.  Adoption is how I wanted my “own.”

Was adopted vs. Is adopted

  • I’m pretty sure their adoption happened in the past…. It’s a verb that should be used in the past tense… It’s not still happening right now, is it?  Are they still being adopted right now?  Cause I think they are just your kid now… Just your OWN kid that WAS adopted.

Anyways.  Just thought I’d share some of those thoughts I had on being a natural parent, having my own children and adopting them… in the past… 3 years ago. 😀

~Andrea

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s